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How To Shower Like a Woman

 

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to

do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

 

How To Shower Like a Man

 

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

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Brlliant. That is so true!! Will try and cut and paste one I got from a friend last night which is quite funny.

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too funny, zhiv!! is that how you guys do the shower-ritual???roll.gifroll.gifroll.gif

I think if you think to how our hubbies shower etc..... I think that this is pretty much accurate!

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Wet towels! always the wet towel on the bed soaking through the duvet, drives me nuts!!

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The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time towrite this all down

   Finally , the guys' side of thestory. 
( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear "
the rules" 
From the female side
....  Now here are the rules from themale side.   
These are ourrules! 
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " 
ON PURPOSE! 
1. Men are NOTmind readers. 
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. 
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides. 
Let it be. 

1.. Crying is blackmail. 

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work! 
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it! 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

1. Come to us with a problem 
only if you want help solving it. That'swhat we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 
Don't ask us. 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makesyou sad or angry, we meant the 
 other one 

1. You can either ask us to do something 
or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. 
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

1. Christopher Columbus did 
NOT need directions and neither do we. 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have 
no idea what mauve is. 

1. If it itches, it 
will be scratched. 
We do that. 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act likenothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer youdon't want to hear. 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... 
Really . 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discusssuch topics as football 
or hockey. 

1. You have enough clothes. 

1. You have too many shoes. 

1. I am in shape.  
Round IS a shape! 

1. Thank you for reading this. 
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 

Pass this to as many men as you can - 
to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can- to give them a bigger laugh.

 

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[quote name='Zhivvy wrote:


barbara1']too funny, zhiv!! is that how you guys do the shower-ritual???
roll.gifroll.gifroll.gif

I think if you think to how our hubbies shower etc..... I think that this is pretty much accurate!

pretty, but if you guys can keep a secret, i know my love has issues with his body too...its not just ladies who want things to look different, you know.

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Version:1.0StartHTML:0000000105EndHTML:0000012388StartFragment:0000002763EndFragment:0000012352

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time towrite this all down

   Finally , the guys' side of thestory. 

( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 

We always hear "the rules" 

From the female side....  Now here are the rules from themale side.   

These are ourrules! 

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " 

ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOTmind readers. 

( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 

We need it up, you need it down. 

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon 

or the changing of the tides. 

Let it be. 

 

1.. Crying is blackmail. 

 

1. Ask for what you want. 

Let us be clear on this one: 

Subtle hints do not work! 

Strong hints do not work! 

Obvious hints do not work! 

Just say it! 

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That'swhat we do. 

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 

Don't ask us. 

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makesyou sad or angry, we meant the  other one 

1. You can either ask us to do something 

or tell us how you want it done. 

Not both. 

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 

We do that. 

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act likenothing's wrong. 

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer youdon't want to hear. 

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discusssuch topics as football 

or hockey. 

 

1. You have enough clothes. 

 

1. You have too many shoes. 

 

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape! 

 

1. Thank you for reading this. 

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 

 

 

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 

 

Pass this to as many men as you can - 

to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can- to give them a bigger laugh.

 

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The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time towrite this all down

   Finally , the guys' side of thestory. 
( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear "
the rules" 
From the female side
....  Now here are the rules from themale side.   
These are ourrules! 
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " 
ON PURPOSE! 
1. Men are NOTmind readers. 
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. 
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides. 
Let it be. 

1.. Crying is blackmail. 

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work! 
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it! 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

1. Come to us with a problem 
only if you want help solving it. That'swhat we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 
Don't ask us. 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makesyou sad or angry, we meant the 
 other one 

1. You can either ask us to do something 
or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. 
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

1. Christopher Columbus did 
NOT need directions and neither do we. 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have 
no idea what mauve is. 

1. If it itches, it 
will be scratched. 
We do that. 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act likenothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer youdon't want to hear. 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... 
Really . 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discusssuch topics as football 
or hockey. 

1. You have enough clothes. 

1. You have too many shoes. 

1. I am in shape.  
Round IS a shape! 

1. Thank you for reading this. 
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 

Pass this to as many men as you can - 
to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can- to give them a bigger laugh.

 

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how quick does these things travel?? my dad showed my mam and me this same mail last friday! in dutch obviously... i really had a great laugh. but i also realized my man is not a real man. cause most of these things don apply to him. and when i told him bout it, he said the description suited me much more, lol!

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Spooky! It's doing the rounds it seems!

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Love that Anj - and so so true lol!!!!

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love0007.gif
she: did you ever cheat on me?

He: No. why would you ask me that??

love0038.gif
she: do you wanna kiss me?

He: every time i get the chance!
vahidrk.gif
she: will you ever hit me?

He: are you crazy? i'm just not like that!

she: can i trust you?

he: yes.

she:     darling
Vishenka_04.gif

after 20 "happily married years" ... read it from the bottom up...


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don know if you all 've heard about the crisis in belgian church? all the scandales brought to daylight about pedophile-priests and the investigation our justice-system started bout it. ofcourse there are lots of jokes bout it goin round, some are a bit rude, and not what i wanna share here.... but this one i do think is funny!

a couple to be married is making last arrangements for their big day, when they get involved in big car-accident, and sadly both are killed. they turn up at the Gate of Heaven.
saint peter arrives and opens gate to let them in for the intake-conversation.
but the couple says first they wanna know one thing for sure; is it possible to have their wedding ceremony in heaven??
saint peter frowns and says he isnt sure, cause he don remember that happen before. but he will try to find out. he closes the gate again, turns around and disappears again into the clouds....
the couple stands in front of the gates .....an hour goes by...a day....a week....a month....3 months....
finally saint peter appears again, walks to the gates and opens them, he looks very tired but he says :
- it wasnt easy, but i was able to make arrangements, and you CAN get married here!
so he steps aside to let them in, the groom hesitates and he says:
-but can i ask one more question first? if it doesnt work out in the end, can we also get a divorce?
saint peters face turns a little red:
-listen, he says: it took me 3 months, 3 w h o l e  months to find you guys a priest in here, and now you want me to find you a  L A W Y E R??

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don know if you all 've heard about the crisis in belgian church? all the scandales brought to daylight about pedophile-priests and the investigation our justice-system started bout it. ofcourse there are lots of jokes bout it goin round, some are a bit rude, and not what i wanna share here.... but this one i do think is funny!

a couple to be married is making last arrangements for their big day, when they get involved in big car-accident, and sadly both are killed. they turn up at the Gate of Heaven.
saint peter arrives and opens gate to let them in for the intake-conversation.
but the couple says first they wanna know one thing for sure; is it possible to have their wedding ceremony in heaven??
saint peter frowns and says he isnt sure, cause he don remember that happen before. but he will try to find out. he closes the gate again, turns around and disappears again into the clouds....
the couple stands in front of the gates .....an hour goes by...a day....a week....a month....3 months....
finally saint peter appears again, walks to the gates and opens them, he looks very tired but he says :
- it wasnt easy, but i was able to make arrangements, and you CAN get married here!
so he steps aside to let them in, the groom hesitates and he says:
-but can i ask one more question first? if it doesnt work out in the end, can we also get a divorce?
saint peters face turns a little red:
-listen, he says: it took me 3 months, 3 w h o l e  months to find you guys a priest in here, and now you want me to find you a  L A W Y E R??

roll.gifroll.gifroll.gifroll.gifroll.gifroll.gifroll.gifroll.gif

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