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Resilience


PiChU
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[quote name='shirley2010 wrote:


PiChU']Just wrote this on my blog, and something is telling me to put it here as well.

"Resilience"

There are too little things that make me angry, I'm always easy going, but there is one thing that really pisses me off.
I hate people who want to cause pity, I hate it when someone had a bad day and are so self absorbed thinking the world is too busy revolving around them to make it even worst, I hate it when others want to show off their disgraces, as if they wanted to say "Admire me! I've been through this much". Pity for me is the lowest form of disrespect, and the highest sign of how little you love yourself, If you had a bad day, get over yourself, don't try to appear strong for carrying a bad situation with a depressing face, I wish people could see how short life is to take it that seriously, I wish people could understand that true strength relies on your capacity to go on as if it was the best day of your life, because that's the hard way to do it, because anybody can cry.

"
Resilience
 in 
 is the positive capacity of people to 
 with 
 and 
. It also includes the ability to bounce back to 
 after a disruption. Thirdly, it can be used to indicate having an adaptive system that uses exposure to stress to provide resistance to future negative events
."

So we were wrong to feel pity when you posted that your boyfriend has stomach cancer?

 

Yes you were

because one: he doesn't have cancer its an ulcer
and two I was asking for prayers, positive vibes, not for people to say they were sorry.

 

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Its good we can all voice our opinions here and we do not all agree with each other, which is life. Sometimes its helps people to discuss things with others.

 

 

Hope everyone is doing good and cheers to all!!!!

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@ Bad silver and claire T

 

About what happened to me last year, its burried; honestly you have no opinion on it, cuz you weren't there, as well as you are not here to see why I wrote that last blog entry. I did it because of my boyfriend, and my brother, who is also sick, I did it because both decided to take the most negative attitude dealing with their issues.

 

I'm not saying it's wrong to show emotions, something happens to you, you take some time to put it back, you mourn things and then let go. Some people don't let go, some people enjoy to suffer whether or not they are aware of it, and I don't understand that choice.

 

And about pity, I grew up in a culture where to feel sorry for someone is to disrespect that person, maybe that's why I see it that differently. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna let a friend cry on my shoulder, but when that person starts clinging then we have a problem.

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Its good we can all voice our opinions here and we do not all agree with each other, which is life. Sometimes its helps people to discuss things with others.

 

 

Hope everyone is doing good and cheers to all!!!!

yep... that's why it's called a discussion!
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i never had health-issues nor have i ever been through really serious problems... but i have dealt with people who were depressed and couldnt cope with certain issues... and at times i got frustrated and crossed... but i tried not to judge and to stay openminded.

 

exapmle: we had a man at our oncology-unit, 65 years old. he was very depressed, you couldnt start a conversation without him bursting out in tears... so most colleagues tried to avoid his room.

one week, some time ago, i got assigned to take care of him. it was rather calm at the unit, so i took time to listen to him... he shared his life-story. he once had a family. a house. he never was a really outgoin person, kept to himself pretty much. started with  not accompanying his family to social events... then started to go to his study after dinner, while the family watched tv together... after some time, he went to his study right after coming home from work, only to come out at dinner-time. finally his wife and the kids left him, and never bothered to call or visit (who can blame them?)

he moved to a little, dark and uncosy house... and after some years he got cancer. he was treated and cured but his love for life was totally gone. he stayed alone, retired, hardly left the house...

then cancer came back: kahlers disease. he started treatment again, and arrived at our unit.

in this room, too sick to leave his bed, he started thinking and realising live could be over... he threw away his best years, alienated his family from him.... and had no chance to do this over again. 

if he hadnt been suffering from depression before( which i believe he had, why else would he have felt the need to isolate himself like that?) he now sunk in real deep.... and cried...

i think he had to go through this fase... he had to hit rockbottom ...

he told me that day how he felt like standing infront of a big, brick wall and saw no future even if he would beat the cancer... i told him i could very well understand that, cause other patients had a loved one to sit next to the bed, to hold their hand when they got sick from chemotheraphy, to hug them when they received bad news... and even they had a hard time coping with their illness. so i could imagine how hard it was to do it alone, (and i didnt care if he 'd pushed away his family and he was responsible for what happened: point was he was alone.)

i started goin to his room each day to pull back the curtains and let the light fill up the room. i cheered at him if he left the room for a little walk. i told him how brave he was for leaving his room to go to cafeteria and have some fries.

he told me he had called his kids to tell them about the ilness, they didnt even ask what hospital he stayed at... i told him not to expect too much, too soon... give them time, show intrest in their lives, show them he cared...and then maybe...

 

he left hospital today, chemo has ended (scan shows he's in remission) and the hospitals social service found him a place in a mental hospital. he can go their on daily bases to receive further adequate help to pick up his life again...

i got a big hug... he thanked me for listening. i did what my heart told me to do. maybe i said the right thing at times, maybe i said the wrong things at time. 

sorry for the long story, just wanna show :everyone has to deal with his/her sadness and grief at their own time, you can only encourage them, cant rush them, cant judge them. and its true: you have to look after yourself in the proces! cause in every situation: a caregivers own safety comes first. 

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[quote name='PiChU wrote:


shirley2010 wrote:

PiChU']Just wrote this on my blog, and something is telling me to put it here as well.

"Resilience"

There are too little things that make me angry, I'm always easy going, but there is one thing that really pisses me off.
I hate people who want to cause pity, I hate it when someone had a bad day and are so self absorbed thinking the world is too busy revolving around them to make it even worst, I hate it when others want to show off their disgraces, as if they wanted to say "Admire me! I've been through this much". Pity for me is the lowest form of disrespect, and the highest sign of how little you love yourself, If you had a bad day, get over yourself, don't try to appear strong for carrying a bad situation with a depressing face, I wish people could see how short life is to take it that seriously, I wish people could understand that true strength relies on your capacity to go on as if it was the best day of your life, because that's the hard way to do it, because anybody can cry.

"
Resilience
 in 
 is the positive capacity of people to 
 with 
 and 
. It also includes the ability to bounce back to 
 after a disruption. Thirdly, it can be used to indicate having an adaptive system that uses exposure to stress to provide resistance to future negative events
."

So we were wrong to feel pity when you posted that your boyfriend has stomach cancer?

 

Yes you were
because one: he doesn't have cancer its an ulcer
and two I was asking for prayers, positive vibes, not for people to say they were sorry.

 

 

OUCH, I have a good friend who developed an ulcer when she was 19 and my prayers are with your BF!!!

((HUGS))

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