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Goodbye, U2


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Dear Rick James,

 

Since you decided to live the life of a psychopathic, cracked-out superfreak, I've decided that I can no longer see you.

 

Well I guess nobody can see you, but that's beside the point.

 

You can keep the house, but I'm stealing your catch-phrase for myself.

 

"I'm Mick Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames bitch!"

 

I wish I had three hands so I could give you three thumbs down.

 

Mick xx

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dear destiny's child,

loved you when you told your boyfriend he was a bug-a-boo.
i cheered when you dropped him cause he never payed his bills, bills, bills.
i adored you when you told him you werent gonna dish him on the internet, cause your mother tought you better than that.
admired you cause you were independant, and you bougth the house you live in, the car you're driving...

but then you, beyonce, went solo, without my favourite child kelly. without michelle.
and you, beyonce, started singing cheesy songs (except crazy in love! loved it!)

will play destiny's child songs still. will chance channel when your solo-songs get played.
will still think your husband is hot (but swears to much).

i'm wishin' you the best,

Pray that you are blessed,

Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness.

i'm a survivor.

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After 24 straight years of being a U2 fan club member, I've decided to let my U2.com membership and all of its meaningless seniority, invisible perks and ludicrous exclusives lapse into the ether. Yesterday, it expired. It was far easier than I expected. I miss nothing because it no longer provided anything.

In fact, as much as it pains me to say, I've all but given up on believing in this band. They haven't made anything vital or true since "Pop" in '97. U2 will always be the band that made me believe that music is a sacrament of life. They were my Beatles. I still remember getting "Unforgettable Fire" for Christmas in 1984 and quickly buying everything else by the band with the little money I had.

But I have fallen out of love with the boys. They are the corporate pawns that they posed against for years. Even worse, they bore me to death. The concerts are predictable. The music is pedestrian and overproduced. Bono's voice is shot. Edge keeps dressing like he's 14. With so many other raw and talented bands making music out there right now -- Mumford & Sons, The National, Arcade Fire, Radiohead -- I just don't feel the U2 love like I once did.

It's been great, but I must move on.

Peace.

 

.... because we all know that NLOTH was such a predictable album from U2. You don't feel the love for them like you did before ? It's because your old. Personality speaking. I'm trying to figure the Edge dressing like he's 14. I think it's because Larry still looks 14, and Edge is jealous. I'm still trying to figure out what a guitarist of a rock group is supposed to dress like.

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Dear Snow Patrol

 

You're way too needy, trying to ingratiate yourselves with the U2 road crew. Pfft! Gary Lightbody, despite your sexy voice underneath you're just a sycophant!

 

My eyes have been opened. Good bye!

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